As you can tell from my earlier post, my family has been under a lot of pressure concerning the health of our daughter.  As the possiblities piled up and we contemplated the effect on our daily lives, you could feel the tension building.  It has to be one of the worst tortures known to man to watch your child suffer and be helpless to prevent it.  You want to fix it, but can't.  You want to trade places, but can't. Can't do this, can't do that.  Can't, Can't. Can't find the time to pray because tests have to be run, calls made, kids fed and anything else that needs doing.  And then you finally stop and remember God. Very softly He speaks, "Remember me?"  All at once the memories come flooding back.  Most of all you remember His love. "Was I your God yesterday, before this happened?" He asks.  If I say no, then I have been wasting a lot of time and energy on a scam.  If I say yes, what has changed?  "What has changed?" He asks.  "Am I not Creator and Ruler over the universe?"  So here it is.  I believe He is real, but I must act on that belief.  So what has changed? I ask myself.  Me.  I have changed.  I no longer feel the pressure.  God is in control and I have walked with Him a little closer today.  David's words in Psalm 16 have a deeper meaning:  In Your presence is fullness of joy

 

 

As you can guess by my lack of posting, the fast turned out to be more complete than I anticipated.  During the fast, my eldest daughter became ill.  It started off simple enough with cold like symptoms that led her to the college infirmary.  From there she was refered to the local clinc where the doctor examined her and ran some basic tests.  A few days later, she was weak, dizzy and passing out.  A quick trip home to her internist pointed to Cushing Syndrome.  Blood drawn and tests run.  Waiting.  We take her back to school.  A few days later we get a call.  Come get me, she says. I can't do this anymore.  By now test results are coming in. Could be Lupus or rheumatoid arthritis, maybe a brain tumor.  CAT scan comes back normal, but CAT scans can miss small tumors.  We need an MRI they say.  MRI results come back.  Doc says it's not MS or epilepsy.  WOW! We had not even considered those!.  More tests tell us it is not Lupus or rheumatiod arthritis or Cushing, no tumors either. Praise God! But, what is it? 

 

Poor girl can't take anything.  Doc's don't want to mask the cause.  She can't sleep and is weak and dizzy.  When she closes her eyes, the room spins.  Her hands and feet get numb. Friends call to check on her.  Several cannot bear to hear her describe her condition with sentences containing the words brain, tumor and illness.  How can she be so calm?  God is control, she says. I trusted Him when I was well, I'll trust Him when I'm not, she says.

 

Adversity is a strange catelyst.  If you walk with God, it is a growing time, when maturity and depth are cultivated.  If God is absent, it is crushing and fearful.  It will come.  Wouldn't you rather be calm than crushed?

 

-- TenForUS